Lord of the Rings in a Nutshell
by Miss Katonic
Summary: Just an idea of mine. This is how SpellCheck on Word thinks of Tolkien's work. Argon instead of Aragorn, and much more.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: This is just a silly idea I had as I was spell-checking a chapter in The Spy of Sauron. Doesn't it get frustrating when spell check insists that "Aragorn" isn't a word? Well, this one shot is in order to humor spell check just once. Let's hear it for Microsoft Word!

Disclaimer: Nothing here is mine.

Fellowship of the Rings in a Nutshell, According to Spell Check

There are Hobbits. Hobbits are short. There is one called Freda. Freda is the nephew of Bible Bagginess, an adventurous but aging Hobbit, who is also the possessor of Saran's ring of ultimate power.

There are Ring wraiths; servants of Sarong forced to do his bidding. They are searching for the ring bearer and return the ring to its maker. Bible leaves the Ring to Freda. Instructed by Vandal, one of Bible's closest friends and also a wizard, Freda must smuggle the Ring from Hobbit on. He takes along his gardener; a rather pudgy Hobbit named same, and his cousins Periodic Brandy buck (Merry) and Peregrine Took (Pippin.)

The four head for Brae to meet Vandal. At The Prancing Pony they discover Vandal has been delayed for unknown reasons, and a strange man by the name of Strider, insists on being their guide to Rive dell, a home of the Elves.

The Ring wraiths intercept the travelers at Weather top and a mogul blade stabs Freda. He is carried to safety by Arden (or Glorfindel, depending on whether this is based on the movie or the book) to Rive dell, where he is nursed back to health.

In October the famous Council of Elton is held to determine the fate of the Ring. It is decided that nine shall be chosen to match the nine Ring wraiths. Freda immediately volunteers, followed by his faithful Sam, Merry, and Pippin. The other five consist of Vandal, Gimlet (the son of Golan, the dwarf), Boomer (son of Donator, steward of Condor), Strider (who turn out to be Argon, son of Marathon, rightful king of Condor), and Ligulas (the son of King Tranquil: the king of Kirkwood).

They journey south to Mt. Doom, the volcano in Murder where the Ring was forged. Only in the fires of that volcano can the ring be destroyed.

The scale Cardsharps, and delve into the Mines of Maria, where Vandal falls over the Bridge of Hazed Dump in a valiant battle with a Barlow of Margot.

Subdued yet still determined, the Fellowship continues on their way. They rest in the Elvin realm of Lothlorien, where they meet the Lady Malarial and she provides them with boats to travel down the Andean in. At the Falls of Taurus, Boomer tries to take the Ring from Freda, and Freda realizes that he must destroy it alone. Sam of course, forces him to take him too. The Ulrich Hay, a breed of orcs, kidnaps Merry and Pippin and Boomer is slain trying to protect them. Ligulas, Gimlet, and Argon then vow to save Merry and Pippin from the Ulrich Hay, which is where The Fellowship of the Rings ends.


	2. The Two Towers Ordnance and Braider

Author's Note: What can I say? The warm reception The Fellowship of the Rings in a Nutshell received left me wanting to continue on to the next ones. For those of you who are reading this without reading the first, here's the rundown: I type up a synopsis, and humor Spell Check by changing the real names to the names Word suggests instead. With no further ado…

The Two Towers in a Nutshell, According to Spell Check

The second part of the trilogy begins with Merry and Pippin captured by the rocs, Aragon, Gimlet, and Ligulas tracking the Uric Hay to rescue the hobbits, and Ford and Sam heading to Murder.

Aragon, Gimlet, and Ligulas are apprehended by the Rehire, the army of Mohan. Elmer, the nephew of King Theorem, converses with Aragon and explains that his men found a group of Uric Hay and killed them all. Anxiously, Aragon asks Elmer whether they found two helpings among the rocs, but to his dismay, Elmer denies seeing any such persons. Elmer, however, directs the three to where the massacre took place, if they still wish to hope their companions are alive.

The ranger, Elf, and dwarf take his directions, and find the smoldering heap of carcasses. Aragon, being a ranger, tracks small footprints into the Foghorn Forest, and hope for Merry and Pippin's lives is rekindled.

Meanwhile, Merry and Pippin have befriended Tree beard, an Ant; a talking tree, if you will. They beseech him to organize help against the impending war. Tree beard agrees to organize an Endmost, or a gathering of the Ants to discuss the problem and find a solution.

Aragon, Gimlet, and Ligulas are found by the one and only Vandal. As the wizard explains, he was brought back to the world briefly to help against the forces of Murder. Not only this, but he has been reborn as a white wizard, and prefers to be called Mithrandir, which in Elvis mean the "gray pilgrim." The four go to Mohan to confront Theorem, and ask for his alliance in the war.

Ford and Sam, meanwhile, have found the creature Glum. The pitiable beast agreed to lead the hobbits into Murder an unseen way. It is unsure whether Glum will be able to overcome his desire for the Ring, which ups the tension even more.

In Mohan, Theorem, against Mithrandir's wishes, decides to lead his people to safety from raids in Helm's Deep, a fortress in the mountains. Elmer's sister, Erwin noticed Aragon, and became one of his constant companions during the trip to Helm's Deep.

Saurian the wizard still multiplies his army of Uric Hay, and through his spy, Worm tongue, the ex-advisor of Theorem, learns of Theorem's plans to hide in the mountainside. His army sets out towards Helm's Deep, in what will be one of the more spectacular battles during The War of the Ring.

Ford, Sam, and Glum traipse through the Dead Marshes and are then caught by a band of men. The leader, by the name of Farmer, turns out to be the younger brother of Boomer. He figures out by a slip of Sam's tongue that Ford has the One Ring. He resists the temptation, proving himself to be a stronger man than Boomer, and lets them continue on their quest.

The Battle of Helm's Deep takes place overnight, and the good side wins victoriously. The movie ends with Glum arguing viciously with his other personality, Seagull, and deciding to kill the hobbits and take the Ring for himself.


	3. Return of the King

Author's Note: For those of you who are reading this without reading the first or second, here's the rundown: I type up a synopsis, and humor Spell Check by changing the real names to the names Word suggests instead. By the way, Nienor Niniel (or Minor Ninnies, by Word), the name "Mithrandir" thoroughly confused Spell Check, and it had no suggestions. This is a mixture of both book and movie, I might add. With no further ado…

The Return of the King in a Nutshell, According to Spell Check

As Ford, Sam, and Glum make their way closer to Mount Doom, the people of Mohan have returned to their village. Vandal, Aragon, Ligulas, Elmer, Gimlet, and Theorem King head for Disregard, Sermon's residence.

Through Merry and Pippin's persuasion, Tree beard and his fellow ants destroyed the tower of Ordnance and released the River Endpin from its dam, flooding the land and sweeping it of the ruin the rocs had left.

Merry and Pippin are reunited with the others, but the joy is short, because Vandal came firstly to Disregard to speak with Sermon, who was in all but a good mood.

The confrontation is not very long, and end with Worm tongue enraged at his master, and throws something from a window above the balcony that Sermon stands on.

Pippin retrieves the object, which reveals itself to be a planter: a seeing stone. Without explanation, Vandal seizes the planter from Pippin, only increasing the helping's curiosity as to what its powers held.

That night, silly little Pippin stole the planter from Vandal and looked into it. He was greeted by the sight of a burning city, and then found by the eye of Sarong, who demanded who he was. That he was a hobbit was all Pippin revealed before Vandal caught him.

Furious, the wizard swept up Pippin and sat him on Shadow fax, his white horse Theorem gave him; the two would go to Minas Toroth, the city Pippin saw in the planter, to warn Donator, the father of Boomer and the steward of Condor, of the impending doom.

The rest of the company followed behind but in not such haste. Knowing that the Rehire would not be enough to fight against the army of Murder, Aragon, Ligulas, and Gimlet, against all Theorem's protests and warnings, head to the Paths of the Dead.

The Paths of the Dead was underground, and inhabited by the ghosts of a cowardly people, who, during the First Age, failed to help Condor's call for aid. Because of that, Insider cursed them to live in between worlds until they answered a call from one of his descendants for help.

They reluctantly agreed to Aragon's request, and the odd company head for Condor.

Back with the Rehire, Merry pledge his allegiance to Theorem King, and wishes for nothing more but to go into battle. Theorem, however, denies his request because he could not keep pace.

Erwin also longed for battle, but couldn't because of her gender. She disguised herself as a man and called herself Darnel, and offered to bear Merry. The hobbit happily accepts, and the Rehire heads for Condor.

In Minas Toroth, Vandal and Pippin go before Donator, and with a feeling of being indebted to Boomer, Pippin pledges himself a servant of Donator before Vandal can warn him not to.

It becomes clear that Boomer was Donator's favorite son, and that he would rather Farmer died. When Farmer first met Vandal and Pippin, Vandal sees a spark of interest in Farmer's eyes as he notices Pippin. Farmer tells them of Ford and Sam, and that the two are being lead by the creature Glum through Corinth Ungodly. Vandal is distressed to hear this, but doesn't explain why to Pippin.

At this time, we should go to Ford and Sam's progress. Glum leads them up the winding stair of Corinth Ungodly, and into the mountains surrounding Murder. In the darkness Glum abandons the hobbits. The two realize they are being followed by something, and she reveals herself as Shelby, an Ungallant and the last of her kind.

She stings Ford, who falls limp and motionless, and Sam uses both the Light of Parental, Ford's gift from Malarial, and Sting, Ford's sword given to him by Bible to defeat Shelby. When the enormous spider scuttled away, mortally wounded, Sam hurried to his master's side, and believed him dead. Knowing the mission must go on, he took the Ring from Ford, and continued sorrowfully on his way. As he was almost out of the mountains, a small group of goblins passed by and found Ford, discussing as they carted the limp helping to the Tower of Corinth Ungodly, that he wasn't dead, bur merely paralyzed.

Realizing his mistake, Sam decides to follow and save his friend, which he does without severe consequence, and the two continue without Glum to Ordering, or Mount Doom.

In Condor, the Battle of the Eleanor Fields has begun. The warriors of Minas Toroth face the army of rocs, men of the Heraldry atop their mammoth Miami- a beast bearing similarities to our elephants, but larger and with three sets of tusks, Nigel riding on their fell beasts, which looks like a combination of a pterodactyl and a serpent.

The lord of the Nigel lands on the ground and the fell beasts throws the horse Theorem sat on to the side, pinning the king to the ground. Then Erwin and Merry interfere, and Erwin defeats the fell beast. Merry stabs the Nigel in the leg with his sword, and the ring wraith is defeated.

Pippin, who stays within the castle defending his king, sees that Donator is making plans to burn Farmer and himself alive. Donator is convinced that when Farmer fell deathly ill but a few days ago, he must be dead. Pippin finds Vandal, and the two hurry to stop this madness. Pippin saves Farmer, but Donator catches himself on fire, and the flaming ball of insanity runs to his death off the edge of the battlement.

When the battle ended, Erwin and Merry are hurried to the House of Healing. Aragon realizes that the only way to save Ford, Sam, and the fate of the world is to march to the Black Gates of Murder and cause a diversion, which the others nobly agree to.

When, thanks to the others' diversionary tactics, Sam and Ford make it to Mount Doom, they meet again Glum, who fights both of them. Sam distracts Glum as Ford runs the last few paces to the Crack of Doom, and after brushing Glum aside, Sam joins Ford.

By this time, however, Ford has been deceived by the Ring, and decides to claim it as his own as he slipped it on his finger. Although Sam can't see him, Glum can figure out his movement, and pounces on him, wrestling and clawing until he found Ford's hand. With no hesitation, Glum bit off the finger Ford was wearing the Ring on, and danced for glee too close to the edge.

Glum lost his balance, and toppled into the heart of the volcano. Sam grabbed Ford, and the two rushed out of the Crack of Doom and onto the side of it where they fell unconscious due to exhaustion, starvation, and dehydration.

Vandal uses Grainier, the lord of the Eagles, and two other large eagles by the names of Renaldo and Sandoval to go to Ordering and retrieve the Hobbits.

After the two are rehabilitated, there is a joyous reunion with the rest of the Fellowship, and many stories are exchanged. Then there is Aragon's coronation to be held, and the wedding binding him to Arden, the daughter of Elton.

After that the Hobbits return to the Shire, where Sam marries Rosie Cotton, a pretty helping he'd long loved. There comes a day, however, when Vandal arrives once more, but this time with Elton, Malarial, and Bible. Ford goes west with them to harbor where Cordon, the ship-wright, will take them to Eraser, the heavenly island Elves go when their time in Middle Earth has ended. Sam, Merry, and Pippin follow to say a tearful goodbye, and when the ship disappears on the horizon, the three return to Hobbit on.

Thus concludes the Lord of the Rings trilogy.


End file.
